Momsense

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I’m writing a book and I’m calling it “Momsense” (like nonsense? get it?)  It’s a collection all of those things that we do and say as mom’s that make no sense except to other mom’s.

Today, another mom gave me a perfect one “Tell my kid if he hurts himself I will beat the shit outta him!”  I won’t give names on the grounds that these mom’s may some day come to their senses and not want to be branded for the rest of their lives, but I will give first initials so those of us who are proud of these convoluted thoughts and actions can take credit where credit is due.  This first one is credited to A.  and a fine specimen of Momsense it is.

Please!  You know what I am talking about.  Add your Momsenses to the comments below and I promise to give you all the credit in the world.  At least you will have my admiration because it is not easy being a mom.  And it makes us crazy sometimes.  And when it makes us crazy, the best we can do is find others to enjoy the crazy with us!

Summer Reading List

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I used to dread the summer reading list.  I remember the summer after 7th grade having to read The Red Badge of Courage for 8th grade English.  I was new to the school I was going to for 8th grade and this was my first introduction.  UGH.  I hated that book because it was summer, for God’s Sake!  I didn’t want to READ!!  I hated that stupid school already.

Fast forward a couple (just a few, really) of years….I love to read.  I read a ton, especially in the summer.  In the last few months I have finished up The Hunger Games Series, the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Series, and started the 50 Shades series.  Plus a couple James Patterson and Vince Flynn (love me some Mitch Rapp!!!)  thrown in.  I’m definitely not a book snob…I will read anything as long as it doesn’t bore the snot out of me!  I mostly like intrigue and mystery, but I am a SUCKER for a good love story! I have a stack of books waiting for me and a whole summer stretching out before me.  But, I am always looking for good suggestions!  Leave me a recommendation in the comments and I will build my summer reading list.

I read Living The Law of Attraction by Jack Canfield about 4 years ago and I try to live by that law as much as I can.  Now, I am listening to the audiobook of The Secret (which is really the same thing), by Rhonda Byrne.  I really find this concept SO amazing.  Doubters beware:  you can only make excuses for why things happen for so long.  At some point you have to admit that everything in this book is right and hopefully that will make you smile! I want to hear your stories, if you’ll share, of how The Law of Attraction, The Secret, whatever you want to call it, affected your life.  I love these stories!  It’s all about taking responsibility for where you are in life and I find it inspiring.

So start typing…I want books and stories!  I can’t wait to see your responses!

(BTW –  That stupid school?  It was 5 of the best years of my life where I met many of my dearest friends and had the time of my life!)

Top 10 things from the last week…

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This is the stuff of my week.  I want to keep it all in perspective so this isn’t necessarily the BEST stuff from the week or the WORST.  These are the 10 things that either made me happy,mad, sad, or just amazed me in general. Really in no particular order, just how it comes to me…

1. The Avengers was AWESOME!!! If I were an Avengers Character I think I would be Iron Man.  For no other reason than he is a total smart ass! If you haven’t seen it, GO!  You won’t regret it.

2. There is nothing better than waking up, not to an alarm clock, but to sunshine thru my window and, literally, birds chirping just outside.  Sounds a little a  la “Snow White” but it really is a great way to wake up and I want to do it everyday!

3. I have always said that you should have to have a parenting LICENSE before you are able to procreate.  I think it makes a lot of sense.  I mean my 13 yr old is taking a test to get his PWC license (personal watercraft), we have to have a license to drive a car, to sell Real Estate…but not to raise the next generation.  And I’m not one for government intervention in anything, but this is a new kind of sick…ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME????  First of all, get into therapy…if you think that’s normal, you MUST be crazy.  We have people who can help you.  Second, leave the kid out of it!  Always.  Why do parents have to take their kids to the crazy side with them?  And THIRD, if Snooki thinks you’re crazy, you need to CHECK YOURSELF!!  That is the pot calling the kettle black .

4. Goober died.  So did MCA.  Both make me sad.

5. I wish I had a brain and took pictures of this.  It was really cool to see.  Unfortunately, I usually miss the warnings all over the news and am genuinely surprised when I see something like the Super Moon, which leaves me unprepared to take cool pictures like this.

6. Ellen Degeneres is freaking funny.  About anything, at any time.  Always.

7. Some friends, actually aren’t friends at all.

8. France is now officially Socialist.  Wow. Didn’t see that coming from a decade away or anything.

9. Teen boys have a heart and feeling and really care. It’s just buried and covered by layers of Axe body spray.  If you catch them right after a shower and no one else is around they will still act like the little boy you once knew.

10. How can a computer that BARELY gets used, crash?  And WTH is a BOOTMGR and why is it missing?  I didn’t do ANYTHING to it.  Where did it go? Are there little computer elves that just like screwing with me and take out files at night when I’m not looking?  According to the black screen, that BOOTMGR thing is important.  I am sure Microcenter will tell me in a dollar figure exactly how important it is…

Just a couple suggestions…Dear Agents…

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As most of you know, I am a Real Estate agent.  I love what I do and I do it for many different reasons.  I don’t talk much about it in this blog, but I think it’s important that I start because it is part of what contributes to my mental health…or a source of the crazies, depending on the day/week/month.  It is a part of who I am right at my core and I have learned that as long as I have clients, I feel a balance in my life.  I hate the slow seasons.  I get cranky and feel out of place.  Give me a house to show and a client who wants to sell or buy a home, and I’m right back in the swing of things!  I’ve noticed this year after year.  This business energizes me.

Unfortunately, we get a bad rep.  Not entirely undeserved, in some cases, but still its not a “One Size” business.  Just like not all lawyers are snakes, all Realtors® are not cheaters, unethical, will say or do anything for money, immoral, or lazy.  These are just a few of the things I have heard or read people say about Realtors.  We apparently drive expensive cars, hate showing property that we didn’t list and never show up on time for appointments.  Ok, so I am occasionally late to a showing…but those are usually north of Polaris at 6 on a Friday!!!  C’mon!!!  Who can get anywhere up there on time???

I digress.  I am not going to sit here and tell you why all those stereotypes aren’t true because I can think of at least one agent who for each of those claims.  Those are the agents that need to quietly find a new profession.   I work with many more agents who love what they do and would never stoop to the levels of the list above.  The expensive car one really makes me laugh…there is an agent around here who drive his gas sucking Hummer with his name all over it.  If I was selling my home and this jackass drove up in that thing, I would definitely question how hard he would work for my piddly little $150,000 home when he clearly doesn’t need the money.  Not that I’m against a nice car, I just think the whole “image” thing can work against you as an agent, as well as for you.  There’s a fine line that is probably a touch above my Pontiac Vibe, but a few steps below the Hummer, that says “I will work my ass off for you because you trust me to put my all into my job”.

Now, I want to talk to the other agents out there.  There are a few of you who think because you have been in this business 20+ years, you’ve got it all down and don’t need to learn anything new.  Get out of the business now.  This thing changes on a daily basis so if you’re not willing to change with it, you are just going to get bitter so save yourself!  The following list is for those who are still reading that do NOT fit into the stereotypes I have listed and know that we need to continually evolve.  These are the agents that I will be working with in the future, because you will LAST.  You know what it takes to be successful here and so I just want to lay down a few suggestions as we move further into our careers together:

1. Leave your showing as you found it unless otherwise instructed.  If the door to the garage was not locked PLEASE, FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY – Don’t lock it before you leave!  You have essentially locked the owners out of the house if you do!

2. Please DO NOT give your clients financial advice…EVER.  A short sale WILL affect their credit.  We have mortgage officers and financial planners in this world for a reason.  DO NOT do their work for them.

3.  If the title company you typically close with has an automated estimated seller net sheet…USE IT!!  Things change too often for you to be handwriting one at the listing appointment.  Too often I come in after you and my net sheet is WAY off from yours because you are using outdated numbers.

4. I am begging you to HELP your clients find a home inspector.  DO NOT, under any circumstances, let your client talk a walk thru the Yellow Pages or search Google for their inspector.  Nothing is worse than having an inspector who thinks all homes are new builds and scares the bejeezus out of your client because a shingle is missing.

5. Prepare your buyers for their inspection by telling them that no home is perfect.  I tell mine that the inspectors job is to find anything that may hint to a possible problem with the home.  But the major stuff we are looking for are safety hazards and issues that could compromise the value of the the home.  A chipped outlet cover does not constitute either and so we are going to ignore issues like that. Like Boys Scouts, preparation is key here, people.

6.  Relax!  We all want to get to the same place!  Your job is to protect the best interests of your client.  It is not to go after my throat and draw first blood.  Be nice!  It makes for a much more fun closing when I don’t feel like jumping across the table and shaking some sense into you!

7.  I’m not sure how to put this…I always thought it was obvious.  But I guess I have to say it.  I cannot and will not tell you what my seller’s bottom line is before you make an offer.  Write it up and we’ll see if it sticks.  Without all the terms, I cannot even advise my seller if it is a good offer or not!

8. Do not look down on me because I am not involved in every Realtor event known to man.  Just like you have your reasons for being uberinvolved, I have my reasons that I am not.  We are both still members of the same profession and we will run into each other occasionally. And when my life changes and I’m uberinvolved, you may not be.  Be nice.

9. Talking fast and telling the world how busy you are is not  impressive.  What is impressive is the agent who is really busy and always has the time for a lunch with a collegue AND to listen to each client.  Even better?  When the client doesn’t realize how busy you are!

10. Manners People!  Send me feedback when I ask for it, leave a card when you are instructed to, return my call or email, let me know you have submitted the offer to the bank…or that you have not…and don’t laugh at me when I send you a ridiculously low offer on your listing.  I SWEAR I have told my clients and schooled them on the fair market price…they won’t listen…just counter offer without laughing at me, please.  You KNOW you have been in my position before and will be again!

I love what I do and I love the people I work with.  Of course I think those in my company are the best in the business, but I have a ton of respect and admiration for many, many agents that I come into contact with often from many other Brokerages.   We all need to be reminded sometimes to try and make it better for all of us… That’s all I got for now.  I’m sure you will be waiting with bated breath for my next pearls of wisdom…HA!

Brain Dump

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I have a million random things running around in my head and I need to get them all out.  Sorry for you, Dear Reader, but you can always stop right here.  If you have continued to read, remember: You Have Been Warned.

  • I quit my job and one of my BFF’s had an emergency C section on the same day.  I feel like a real shit that I STILL have not been up to see her and although she says she understands, I don’t. I’m going Saturday to see her and the new little peanut but I really wanted to be there since we have missed every other major event in each others lives.
  • So back to the quitting the job thing, I am finally out of management and I’m loving loving loving it! I am just not cut out for the BS that must accompany a corporate job.  No, wait …That’s not entirely true.  I could do it if I had to.  If my family depended on it, I could definitely do it.  But it doesn’t so I am OUTTA HERE!!!!  When common sense and reason goes out the window…so do I!
  • I also took my license and moved it to a new company.  It’s amazing how you get in a rut you didn’t even know you were in…until you get out.   I am spreading my wings and ready to accomplish that which I never thought possible.
  • My neighbors house was vandalized.  I don’t mean tp’d type of vandalized while they were in Florida for Spring Break.  I mean her freaking stucco was spray painted with “fat ass” under the window and a HUGE penis on the bump out facing my house plus a whole lot more.  To her credit, she has a great sense of humor and after getting the police going and doing some digging herself to find the little high school bastards that did it, she and I had great fun with what we could do with her “works of art”.  Like carefully cut out the stucco with the penis and hang it above her mantle since they have been looking for something to go there and it was, in fact, a fine specimen.  No, we thought maybe it would intimidate her husband because he surely doesn’t have a 7 foot penis…No, better off to frame it and hang it in the local art show we have every September.  Surely someone will recognize a local genius and maybe my friend can make a little scratch from her misfortune, I mean who WOULDN’T want a 6 foot long “FAT ASS” for their kitchen?
  • LACR is coming!!!  My college buddy is coming for Memorial Day!!  I can’t wait!  As a group, we used to spend every Memorial Day together in a different city.  Just the girls.  But then came the marriages and those eating machines we call kids and we tried to make it a family weekend thing…but really, it just got too cumbersome because apparently 2 kids is not enough for my overachieving friends. So we made our girls weekends another weekend, but this year, it’s going to be like old times.  Sure we’ll have the kids and the hubs (a couple of them anyway) but we will all be together again!  I can’t wait!
  • Ya gotta love a love a loyal client who refuses to work with anyone else…”I don’t care what that stupid thing says, I’m not working with anyone else.  So just make it right…I don’t care what you have to do!”  So thank you to my loyal clients, I will never let you down!

There’s more I need to get down, but I am out of time.  If you are still reading this, you are probably just bored today.  Or crazy.  Possibly both.  Let’s chat tomorrow…same bat time, same bat channel.

Mormon Sunshine!

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I sent a text to my friend this morning that was intended to say “Mornin’ Sunshine”.  It came up on her end as “Mormon Sunshine”.  She didn’t understand…Can you blame her?  How should I expect someone to decipher what the hell that meant?  Here’s another good one…”He’s a nutball” turned into “His nutsballs” …AWKWARD!!!!!!

DAMN AUTOCORRECT!  Yes, I know I can turn it off, but then it doesn’t fix the real problems like when I hit the “b” instead of the spacebar and I get “callbmebinbthebmornign”.  I can’t risk it…so it stays on.

Does this thing have a brain?  Does it learn as I use it?  Does it know to suggest things that I have used before, like a best friend would finish my sentence?  That, I could respect.  This just drives me crazy.  I have never said “Mormon Sunshine” to anyone, ever.  But I have the feeling I will again, someday.

And and another thing.  My Facebook Messenger for my phone?  Some smart ass set it so it won’t let me swear…I get on a good rant and it ends up: ” the s****d*****f***piece of ******”.  Who can understand that?  Is there a Expletives upgrade that I can download somewhere? During my actual swear-fest is not the time to be trying to click buttons change settings.  I need to remember to to this when I’m not in the midst of a potty mouthed tirade.

 

Just a feeling…

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I feel a rant coming on.  I don’t know what it will be about because the only thing really irritating me right now is how grown professional adults act like children…alot…but that won’t go very far. It’s certainly not revolutionary.

I don’t know, but I feel it coming…what would you rant about if you had the time and inclination to point out the ridiculousness in the world?